Jenn's LiveJournal

Every once in a while I do log in to read everyone else's posts. However, since joining MySpace/Facebook, I really don't bother updating this thing. I got the urge to do so tonight, so enjoy it while it lasts.

I'm alive. In fact, I'm the happiest that I've been in about 3 years.

My professional life is going well. I am graduating (finally) in December. Currently, I am doing a bunch of freelance public relations work, as well as working for the school facilitating discussions with government people around the state. This is in addition to my fabulous internship with the local humane society planning some of their fundraising activities. So, I'm busy, but it's nice.

As for my personal life, I couldn't be more pleased :)

So, last night I was driving to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner, drinks, and trivia. It had been snowing off and on all day, but had been about 50 degrees and sunny. Not too bad. When I was driving, I noticed that there were two rainbows in the sky, and thought that was really unique and pretty.

About 30 minutes later, it started storming really bad. I was playing trivia, and they turned the weather channel on a few of the TVs. People started freaking out, so that's when I started paying attention. Turns out there were 4 tornadoes in north central Indiana, including one about 45 minutes southeast of me. Eww.

Anyway, I woke up this morning and looked outside. It looked wet, but seemed like it was probably going to be a nice day. I didn't look outside again until I left for work. So, when I did step outside of my apartment to head out to my car, I kind of stopped and blinked a couple of times. It was snowing. Snow... in April. Why!?!

It's supposed to be even colder tomorrow, and snowy. In fact, it looks like it's going to be cold all weekend. And Monday. Then back up to 65 on Tuesday. Hopefully it'll be warm when my mom comes to visit on Wednesday. It always seems to be cold when she comes here, which sucks for shopping.

Less than 2 weeks until my birthday! Yay!

Taken from Matthew Good's blog.
http://www.matthewgood.org/2007/02/i-fall-down-you-get-up-not-a-sound-between-us/


"Good love is a few months. Of bliss, of nothing wrongs, of sparkle, of tight gripping hands, of the inability to get close enough.

Bad love is a lifetime.

Bad love is the greatest test known to us. It is our most prized pain - so sought after, so hard to find. Bad love is work, giving-in, compromise, forgiveness, the unflinching support for another even at their most humiliated, their most vulnerable. Bad love is not on television, at the movies, on vacation, or at the bank. Bad love is not in the church, the temple, or under the dome. Bad love is not all around us.

Bad love is what we find when we let go enough to actually be found by someone else."


I'd really settle for either one of those at the moment... but I absolutley love that some people can phrase things so beautifully. If only I were 1/2 as talented with writing my thoughts. Meh. Anyway, ( here are some excellent responses from the same blog entry: )

Why am I so obsessed with pets? Two reasons. First, my parents never let me have anything more than fish when I was growing up, so I always wanted pets. Second, they love you unconditionally. They may do their own thing from time to time and not necessarily want to be smothered with affection, but at the end of the day, they still love being near you and appreciate everything you do for them. They could never replace actual human interaction/relationships/whatever, of course, and I'll never become a real "crazy cat lady," but they're certainly an important part of my life.

Maybe I'm nuts, I don't know. I'm quite glad I have them now though. They're (collectively) the one constant in my crazy, confusing life :)

All in all, today wasn't horrible. The snow storm kind of ruined my plans, but I still enjoyed myself, and not having classes was a nice bonus. I had chinese buffet for supper, and they had chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert. Yum.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of the single people out there. We need to be wished a happy day more than the happy couples today anyway :)

What the heck happened to Global Warming? It's February, shouldn't we be wearing shorts and swimming in pools by now?

That'd be nice.

At least, it would be nicer than the 16" of snow we've received so far today. We're still under a "blizzard warning" for at least another hour. I can't say that I've ever actually seen a blizzard, but I'd certainly hope a real blizzard is much worse than this. I drove in this, multiple times. Yeah, it's snowy, windy, and visibility sucks... but without much traffic on the roads, it really wasn't that bad. I don't understand the people who rushed out to Walmart to stock up on bread and milk.

However, I'd much rather walk on a dry sidewalk anyday than trying to find my way through over a foot of snow. I don't have boots... I wore heels today. Needless to say, my feet were quite wet and cold when I got home. On the bright side, all of the schools in the area are closed tomorrow. Even the community college is closed. They haven't said anything about IU, but hopefully they'll follow the trend. If so, the plan is to spend Valentine's Day enjoying myself. I'll drive into Indianapolis, wander through the mall, maybe get some Ben and Jerry's (any flavor but Chubby Hubby), and of course stop off at BD's Mongolian BBQ for supper. Nothing beats throwing together stuff for a stir fry, and having someone else cook it for you :)

Life is far too short to settle for anything less than perfect. Perfect is open to interpretation, and one's idea of perfect can change. Something that is less than perfect can always become perfect, and something that is perfect can suddenly become imperfect. If something that was once regarded as perfect becomes imperfect, it's usually possible to fix that and have it become perfect once again. However, that requires effort. Without effort, it will remain less than perfect, and life is far too short to settle for that.

I think I've heard something similar before, but I don't know where or when. That all stemmed from thoughts I've had this evening. So, if I somehow accidently "borrowed" the above from someone, I apologize.

Anyway, I know what I think I want, but I suppose it's entirely possible that I'm just clinging to the past because it's familiar. Maybe it's not what I want at all. It's certainly not what I need, as it hasn't caused anything but emotional anxiety, confusion, and hurt, despite my best efforts to help make it better. Make it perfect, even. I didn't want to give up the past. Now I do. The past is dead, and the future can't be the same.

This might all sound depressing, but it's not. It's positive. I hope, anyway.

For someone who grew up thinking that the everyday was boring, and always wated to do new things, go new places, etc... it's funny how scared of change I am now.

for·ev·er /fɔrˈɛvər, fər-/
–adverb
1. without ever ending; eternally: to last forever.
2. continually; incessantly; always: He's forever complaining.

How about "word used to describe the length of time a marriage is supposed to last, as the two individuals are supposed to love each other through all of their problems, but in most cases, is reduced to a few brief years because people are retarded."

Yeah, that sounds like a better, or at least more accurate description of "forever."

I'm really not as bitter as I sound. Everything happens for a reason, I guess, but I'm still angry at myself for not being able to MAKE it work. I know, it takes two, and without both of us trying our hardest, it wasn't going to happen. It still makes me feel quire useless, though.

In a way, this is positive. When I'm not depressed/angry, I've been taking better care of myself. I'm focused on my future (i.e. graduating ASAP so that I can get back to Canada), I'm trying to find an internship for the summer to get some actual experience in the PR industry, my apartment is awesome and I actually enjoy spending time here with the cats/ferret, and overall, I'm just trying to do everything I can to make my life what I want it to be.

Of course, I obviously miss the small things, like waking up next to someone every morning, looking into their eyes, and feeling loved. Or, having a crappy day at work or school, and knowing on that drive home that the evening will be better, because there is someone there waiting to make it better. Cooking meals together, arguing about petty details like seasoning, but in the end, making something great and spending time together. Meh. I'd take it all back, if there were a way to change all of the problems we had. As much as I like to think that's possible, it probably isn't, and if anything, we've grown apart far too much over the past couple of months to have anything worth salvaging. Even just as a friendship.

In other news, I'm watching the superbowl. Why? I don't know. It's on, I guess. The commercials have been slightly amusing so far. I'm hoping they show the Nationwide Insurance commercial, with K-Fed working fast food. I find that hilarious for some reason. I kind of want Chicago to win, just so I won't have to listen to everyone around here brag about the Colts winning all year. On the other hand, it would be kind of cool if they won. Who knows.

It snowed for the first time this winter about 3 weeks ago now. Then it got warm again. By warm, I mean about 40 degrees, but above freezing, and too warm to wear a winter jacket. For the past 3-4 days, it has been snowing a little bit each day, and SO COLD!!! It was a whole 8 degrees (yes, that's in fahrenheit) today.

My apartment is freezing. It might just be me, because I haven't turned the heat down at all and it has been a comfortable temperature up until today. It could also be that the apartment is big and lonely, and thusly feels cold, instead of warm and comfortable.

Anyway, it's 2:30am and I'm still awake. Why? Homework, of course. I procrastinated all weekend, even though I wasn't working on Saturday, and now have to stay up all night. I have 3 quizzes and a test tomorrow. I haven't opened a book all semester. Because of this, I don't really understand chemistry as well as I should, and don't understand geography at all. No, it's not maps and stuff. That would be easy geography. This is rocks, minerals, earthquakes, volcanoes, etc. Why did I sign up for it? My academic advisor told me it was known to be an easy A, for people who don't really like science but need another science course to graduate. I'm thinking the prof caught onto that rumor, because it's certainly not easy, and there's no way I'm pulling off an A. At this point, I don't necessarily care about grades, as long as I pass, get the credit, and can graduate ASAP.

Then maybe I can move somewhere warm. At least the cold is helping to keep me awake tonight :)

Okay, short back story here. After a couple weeks of moping around being bored (note: living alone sucks, no matter how cool your apartment is), I decided it was time to find some new friends. There's nothing to do here, it's damn near impossible to really get to know anyone unless you grew up here or have people with similar interests at work/school. So, a couple people suggested that I'd be able to meet people via online dating sites... and maybe even find a guy for a "rebound" thing. I was reluctant, but decided to give it a try. Although I haven't really had any in-depth conversations with anyone, there have been a few hilarious messages that I've received. I figured I'd share.

#1 - From a 37-year-old tree cutter, obviously dirty and gross in all of his photos, with the nickname of iwannameetu.
"wow hi"

(Seeing as I have on my profile that I'm looking for FRIENDS, perhaps something a little more profound would've been appreciated, or at the very least, a comma between 'wow' and 'hi')


#2 - From a 37-year-old scary looking biker guy with a long grey beard, nicknamed bgdg69, with the headline 'teddy bear looking.'
"I must say that you are quite beautiful."

(Okay, apparently I'm attractive to creepy older men. Wonderful. Also, he looks nothing like a teddy bear, and the nickname really doesn't go with any of it either.)


#3 - This one is rather long. It's from a 50-year-old guy.. and well, I guess the message says it all.
"Hi! I am looking for a beautiful woman like you, not only for a date, but for a romantic, passionate relationship.
I do enjoy life; I travel a bit for fun, and on business. I live in downtown [large city in Illinois], but will be moving soon. I am tired of the noise and chaos, although it has been an entertaining place to live. I go to [random county in Indiana], as a frequent getaway from the city. Also, I have a ranch in [southern state] where I spend some time in the winter. I am originally from [same southern state], and also lived in [a state with mountains] and [uhh.. state that starts with a W] for a long time. I lived in the wilderness in [W state again] for 2 years, and now, in downtown [large city in Illinois]...what different worlds.

I will probably move to a farm or other quiet place, probably in north central Indiana. I like to hang my clothes on a line, like I do at the ranch in [southern state]. I like to barbecue outside a lot. I used to be a fanatical veggie gardener, and I want to have my garden again this coming summer.

I have a good career, am college educated, have been divorced a long time. If I was lucky enough to meet you, I would treat you well, be a gentleman, whether it is for a short time or a long time. A good woman is all I need in my life, my life being a good life. I am a lucky man, and it would be nice to share this good life with a good woman. Maybe that woman is you?

You are very attractive. I hope to hear from you. I am happy to come to Kokomo any time. My name is [old man]."

(So many things to say, so little time... I really don't think comments are even necessary, it's hilarious)


#4 - This is the most recent message I've received. It's not an old man, which is great, but it's still scary. This guy didn't even have a photo.
"Whats up? I'm [name removed to protect the well-endowed DJ], a 25 yr old guy on Indy's southside. I'm 5'10 150lbs. I have short messy light brown hair, blue eyes, tan, athletic and well endowed. I work (I'm a DJ!!!), drive and own a home. I'm upon this cheap free site trying to see if I can get into any trouble. Can you help me? Check me out, and if you want to see some pics, hit me up. Peace"

(I'm really not sure what is worse... his claim that he's well endowed, or the offer to get into 'trouble.' Most people aren't that forward, and for that I'm thankful, but it at least gave me a good laugh.)


Anyway, they all haven't been that bad. I had been talking to a guy for a couple of days who seemed normal, then decided he was a little strange when I added him to my AIM list and he asked for naked pictures. Reason being, he's into "big girls." Greeeat. As much as I love that someone could be attracted to me, I'd rather it be slightly deeper than him wanting something to get off on. I dunno, maybe I'm being picky, and should give the 50 y/o sugar daddy a try, based purely on the fact that he's the only one who bothered to write something semi-informative. Haha.. eww.

I'm sure I'll post more later, hope you all enjoy.

I need to find some friends here so that I can get some more random photos of myself. I figure, I don't really want friends that I would meet at a bar. At least not here. All of the bars/clubs here are dirty, just like the people who hang out there on a regular basis. I might be able to meet a few people at school, but the vast majority there are kids who just decided to live with their parents throughout college and are still sticking to their high school cliques. Okay to talk to in class, but I'm sure their idea of a good time would be hanging out at the mall over the weekend. I can't think of anywhere else here to meet people. I should've tried to transfer to a school somewhere else in-state, if only to be at a larger campus with more social events. Hindsight is 20/20, or something. Back to the random photo idea... need photos to post on social networking sites. I haven't really found any specifically for this area yet, but I'm working on it, and when I do, I need photos to post.

Also, I will be joining a gym that is about 30 seconds from my apartment once I get my money situation figured out (how much all of my bills are going to be, when they're due, etc). Maybe I can meet up with some people there. That'd be nice, and motivation to go more often.

Classes start on Monday anyway. Two of them are around 80 people in a class, one has 8 people, and the other two are 15-20 people. It'll make for an interesting day, at least.

Going to shower, then off to the laundromat to finish laundry, then... who knows!

Got this from tuffie

Haiku2 for lucky_jenn05
people are welcome at all times the presence of a tank as it runs
@ aboutmylife.netadvogato.orgblogger.comblogs.gnome.orgblogspot.comdeadjournal.comgreatestjournal.comlivejournal.commyspace.comspaces.msn.com
Created by Grahame

( And more... )

It's still a work in progress, of course, but not bad for just having started moving/buying things on Friday!

It's interesting how I spent years whining that I couldn't do the things I wanted to do, because I didn't have anyone who liked doing them with me. Now that I tried to fix that "problem," not only do I still not have anyone to do those things with, but I don't have anyone to do anything with. I even miss doing things I don't necessarily like doing. At least I had someone to spend time with.

That being said, I'm going to stop whining about it all. There's nothing to be gained from it. I can't change the past, blah blah blah, need to focus on the present and the future, etc. Yeah, we'll see how well that works. However, I've got a nice apartment, two cuddly cats and a ferret, a fun job, and school starting next Monday which will keep me occupied. It will also allow me to meet new people, hopefully. If not, I might just go crazy. I'm living in the middle of nowhere with everyone I care about 23983279872 miles away. At least the middle of nowhere has nice apartments. And, my car makes an excellent friend. Not only did we survive a car accident together a couple of months ago, but we spent Christmas Day together. Machines might not be the most reliable things in the world, but sometimes they do seem more reliable than people.

Anyway, I think it's time to straighten up the apartment again and go take those pictures. Then I guess I'll just cuddle up with a blanket on my couch and watch a movie or two until I fall asleep. I don't have to work until 3, so I can sleep as long as I want tomorrow. Yippee!

I seem to have lost the ability to control my emotions. Half of the time, I don't even know why I'm feeling the way I am.

I'll be fine one minute, and then sad, annoyed, mad, or whatever random emotion the next minute. I won't know why I feel that way. I can't just snap out of it. It's odd.

Oh, and I get jealous over the most ridiculous things. For example, Don talking to any of his female friends that I have never met. I don't know what they're talking about, and it's none of my damn business anyway, but yet I always feel a twinge of jealousy whenever I know he's on the phone with them. I'm also jealous that he has a large group of friends and family nearby to help him cope with everything. I don't. I've been doing it by myself, or turning to Don as a shoulder to cry on. Because of this, I feel like I'm being way too dependent on him. Yes, we decided to still be friends, but it's complicated. How friendly is too friendly? How open can I be about my feelings? Etc. I don't exactly have anyone else to turn to, and he's been quite willing to help me out thus far. Part of me wonders how long that's going to last. I'm trying to stay positive, but the negative side always comes out. Is it even possible to be positive all of the time? A lot of people seem like they are, but how can anyone be that optimistic about life when it's so unpredictable? Meh.

I went to Don's house last night for New Year's. He had a few of our mutual friends over. There was a bunch of alcohol, snacks, and the Wii. Oh, and Guitar Hero, of course. I didn't figure it would be that akward with everyone drinking. It started out okay, but then I started feeling weird again. I wondered why Don wouldn't sit near me. I felt uncomfortable talking to him in front of people anyway, incase anyone thought anything weird. He seemed to be uncomfortable too. On the bright side, except for the weirdness, we are getting along okay. See, that was positive. I'm trying :)

Long time, no updates. I know. Seeing as it's the last day of 2006, I figured this was probably an appropriate summary to the past year.

( Click to read--you know the drill )

Also, pictures will be coming soon of my new apartment. It's big, and lonely, but I think I made it pretty sexy. Gotta find batteries for the camera, then I'll probably post them later tonight or tomorrow evening.

Happy New Year everyone! :)

I was looking for a job. We found out that the interview is set for November 22nd, though, so I don't see any point in trying to find a job for a month. I do need the money, but I doubt anywhere is looking for a month's worth of temporary employment out of me.

At any rate, I'm bored out of my mind and can't wait to go back. There isn't much to do in Kingston without money. There's shopping and food... both of which require money... and movies, which also requires money, but furthermore requires there to be any decent movies at the theater right now. Of course, there aren't. Luckily, I need to have a medical done for my greencard. This means going to Toronto. I made my mom agree to come with me, so hopefully there will be money to be spent. I'm thinking a side-trip on the subway to Yorkdale to do some shopping and eat at the Rainforest Cafe while we're waiting to pick up the results. Yep. Sounds perfect.

As for the interview, Don will arrive in Toronto on Nov 20th... conveniently, one month exactly after our 3 year anniversary.. and I'll pick him up at the airport. I figure I'd end up having to drive there and get him anyway if his flight out of Indianapolis was delayed at all. There was only 65 minutes in between flights if he were taking a connecting flight to Kingston. It was also the last flight to Kingston for the night. So, given that he'd have to get his luggage, change terminals by shuttle, go through customs, and re-check the luggage, I don't see that being a feasible option. I should know, I've done it. The only reason I even made my connecting flight that night was due to running through the airport, cutting in front of sympathetic people in line at customs, and (thank God) the YYZ-YGK flight being delayed by 15 minutes. Exciting, no?

On the 21st we're going to take the train to Montreal. I'm going to be doing sooooo much driving that week that I couldn't see driving to Toronto, and then driving to Montreal the next day, and then driving back from Montreal the day after, and then driving to Indiana the day after that. No. Trains are almost as fast as me driving, anyway :) So, yeah, train. We're staying overnight at the Hyatt Regency that night. It looks cool, and has a pool. Yay for swimming in late November! Interview is 9:30am on the 22nd. We'll take a train home that night. They overnight my passport back to me with the paperwork I need to get across the border. Don's flying out on the 23rd because he needs to be back at work for 3am on the 24th. Gotta love US day-after-Thanksgiving sales. It's worse than Boxing Day here. On the 24th, I'll leave for Indiana, and I'm bringing mom with me. We'll do the Christmas thing while she's there. She might bring Jordan, we're not sure yet. He hasn't been down there to visit me since I moved.

Aww, look at me, I just wrote a book. That's probably because I'm bored. I even went online looking for volunteer opportunities. Most of them want a 1 year committment. I'm sorry, but if you need "volunteers," you really shouldn't be picky about whether they're long-term or short-term. Now, I understand wanting to keep them as long as possible so they're not wasting time on training. However, 1 year is a bit excessive. People's lives change... employment, relocation, kids, etc. Geez.

Anyway, the father and the brother should be home soon. I should probably make some attempt at making it look like I did something today. Perhaps I'll put the clean dishes away and put the dirty ones in the dishwasher. Maybe.

I need a job. Badly. I had $90 CDN -- my only Canadian money -- sitting by the computer last night. When I woke up it was gone. Normally, I could take money out of my bank account and use that until I found the theif. Unfortunately, that's not going to work this time because I don't have a job, and therefore have no money.

I was going to buy shoes today. I brought flip flops with me, expecting the weather to be somewhere between 70-90 F like it was in the US (aka, hot). I went to Jordan's football game against Regi last night, though, and froze my ass (toes?) off. I didn't bring a coat, either. I just brought a cordory jacket and an orange sweater. Nor did I bring socks, because without shoes, what's the point of socks?

Gah.

Need money. Need to go shopping. Need a job.

I could probably get hired at Walmart or something, but I'd feel bad about leaving them without any notice right before Christmas.... even though I hate Walmart. I hate having a conscience, too.

Buddha is adjusting well. He's roaming around on his own now instead of being a momma's boy. He still prefers to sleep in my bed, rather than his own, or anyone else's. It's probably a good thing so that he doesn't annoy anyone. He's such an apathetic creature. He'll let strangers pet and rub him without even sniffing them first. He doesn't mind moving. He doesn't mind being caged up for a 12 hour car ride. He's a really odd cat. I love it.

Visiting the high school on Tuesday probably. I figure Jason and I can annoy Jordan by stopping by Swain's class while him and his friends are in there. Mwahahaha. I missed being the evil older sister.

Yay!! Got my car back today!!

I also got my hair permed and my eyebrows waxed. Normally the eyebrow waxing wouldn't be a big deal, but I hadn't found anyone here that I particularly like doing it for me. I recently found out that my sister-in-law/hairdresser also does facial waxing, and she's perfect (not to mention will do it for free if I get my hair done at the same time). So, yay for me! She's also getting me a bunch of hair products at cost for me, so I don't have to pay the markup that I was paying just getting stuff at the salon. Mmmm.. cheap hair products.

Might be going to the irish pub down in Indianapolis tonight. Not entirely sure yet. If not, it'll be a night of drinking at the local bar, but alcohol and bread and butter pudding sounded good, so I'll be sad.

Of course, I have to work at 8am, but that's nothing that hasn't been done before after a few cups of coffee.

11 days until I start my trip. I haven't actually drove to Kingston in about 2 years. My mom has always just bought me plane tickets. I can't see being there for an extended period of time without my car, though, and I certainly wouldn't be taking Buddha on a plane either. I think if I stop part way and spend the night.. and somehow actually sleep.. it'll be just fine. One benefit of driving through the US instead of Ontario is that my cell phone won't charge me any extra for using it. So, if I start to fall asleep, I can call Don or anyone else who doesn't happen to be working, and talk for an hour or two :)

Although I'm going to miss Don like crazy, I'm kind of excited, especially since I haven't seen anyone (besides mom) in almost a year. Anyway, must get changed and figure out where the alcohol consumption is going to be taking place tonight.